All posts by PopCultureGangster

Contrary to What randy Newman may think…

I do NOT love L.A.  I don’t hate it either, but generally can take it or leave it. 

I just came back from a trip to SoCal for business, and I did what I’m generally quite good at – stretching out a business trip at no additional cost to my company and turning it into a little getaway and a chance to see a new city, with the flight subsidized by my employer.  I truly love doing that.

So what’s the deal with L.A.?  Well, to be honest, a lot of the negative stuff you may have heard is pretty much true.  There’s a lot of freakin’ traffic.  A lot.  Imagine the entire population of China trying to drive on the street you live on… that’s what the traffic is like.  There’s also smog, and there’s a certain level of superficiality to just about everything there.

First of all, the traffic.  Yes, its true, the traffic in L.A. sucks.  This is coming from someone regularly has to deal with Boston area traffic, which I thought sucked, but I now find out merely blows.  What’s the most amazing about it is that it is NOT just the highways during the rush hour commutes – it is the traffic on the streets and ALL HOURS of the day!  Trying to navigate down Santa Monica Boulevard on Saturday afternoon was nearly impossible and driving down Sunset Boulevard during… well, just driving down Sunset anytime just sucked.   It wouldn’t surprise me to learn that people have starved to death trying to get out of traffic, except with all the fast food places in L.A. that would be pretty much impossible.

(side note: Boston still takes the prize in total lack of traffic pattern logic and/or reason. For example: my flight to LA was at 6:30 on Thursday morning, so I figured I would stay over at an airport hotel Wednesday night.  I went out with Andrea that night, and ended up leaving her house in Newton around 11:30 p.m. to go to the hotel near Logan.  Thanks to the Mass Pike and Rte. 93 effectively being shut down, it took me – and several hundred cars clearly trying to find their way to Logan – about an hour to go five miles, including driving through half of downtown Boston) 

Second, the city is just really tough to get around.  I’m a big fan of big cities, but my idea of cities are based on Boston, Chicago, NYC, Atlanta, Philadelphia, Cincinnati, etc.  Concentrated hubs of metropolitan activity.  L.A. isn’t that sort of place.  It’s very rambling and spread out, which means everyone needs a car, which adds to the traffic and smog.  I think the city is probably TOO well designed – big, wide roads and tons of traffic controls and signs give the appearance of it being easy to drive in L.A., which means that everyone tries to drive – all at the same time.  So those big wide streets aren’t big and wide enough any more. 

Subways, buses, and cabs exist because people need them, and in other cities, they do.  These public transit systems do exist in L.A. but I’m not sure if anyone uses them, since everything is designed for cars.  Of course, that is also part of being a relatively newer city and not having buildings and streets from the 1700’s like cities on the East Coast. 

Between the traffic and the layout of the city, I ended up doing only a third of the things I wanted to do, which is unusual for me.

Third, there’s just a lack of a true “L.A. experience.”  When I travel, I want to make the most of visiting a new place.  I get a few tour guidebooks, a couple of maps, and surf the web so I can get a good feel for the city, its layout, how to get around, and where to go and what to do.  It preps me for the trip, makes me feel comfortable and prevents me from aimlessly wandering, looking for something to do while also maximizing my time. 

I usually look for a definitive eating experience, such as Cheesesteaks in Philly, pizza in Chicago, a hot dog from a street vendor in New York, a PoBoy in New Orleans, Chili in Cincinatti… you get the idea (ever notice how these things are NEVER healthy for you?).   Then I look for a music or entertainment scene that is associated with the city – I’ve been to a country dance hall in Dallas, several blues clubs in Chicago, jazz in New Orleans, and strip clubs in Tampa and New York (hey, when in Rome…). 

Then I look for the museums and/or major attractions in a city, such as the Art Museum (and its stairs) and Independence Park in Philly, the Empire State Building in New York, or the Book Depository and opposing Conspiracy Museum in Dallas. 

The other thing I love to look for is a unique food/merchandise farmer’s market type of place.  One of the best I’ve ever found was the Granville Island Public Market in Vancouver, and the Farmer’s Market in Dallas was a great experience. 

Lastly, I also try to figure out the “nightlife” area in a city – Elm street in Dallas, Lansdowne Street in Boston, Rush Street in Chicago, etc. etc.

Since this has worked so well for me in the past and for this trip, I tried to do the same, but right from the start it was difficult to identify the key L.A. experience in terms of culture, food, drink, or whatever. 

Again, this stems from a unique “problem” with LA, which I guess may not even be a problem in itself: the greater “city” of LA is made up of literally dozens of smaller cities and although in a few miles you can go through several of them, making you feel like you’re in the same place, you’re not.  Santa Monica is very different from Hollywood, which is surprisingly different from Beverly Hills, and none of them is like downtown LA itself.  So I guess you can look at it as an upside that there’s so many different parts – if they weren’t so much alike for a visitor.

See, my overall impression of LA is that it’s a huge collection of malls connected by highways.  Go to Santa Monica and you’ll find a neat little shopping area with the Santa Monica pier with some carnival rides and shops and restaurants.  Up from there is the pedestrian mall that has more shops and restaurants.  Then if you go to the “farmers market” in Hollywood, you’ll find that it has been built over with more Johnny Rockets, and Borders and Gap stores.  All the streets are lined with strip mall after strip mall. 

I realized how out of control this was when I saw the Kodak Theatre, where the Oscars are held.  Now, you think that the Oscars would be held in some incredible theater standing majestically by itself on Hollywood Boulevard – kind of like Grauman’s Chinese Theater, which is just next door.  However, it is actually surrounded by a MALL!  The entrance to the theater is basically a shopping mall, and it kind of feels like just a really fancy typical mall movie theater.  Rather disappointing. 

Let’s face it, one of the most defining places of Los Angeles is Rodeo Drive, which is really nothing but a very fancy, upscale shopping district.  Whee.

So anyway, before I go on and on dissing Los Angeles, I have to say that it is an amazing city, unlike just about any other.  Most large cities are variations on the same idea, but LA breaks that mold, which I guess isn’t that surprising.  There is certainly a lot to do, though I’m not sure if I feel like it is work going back to explore it all. 

If you want to do a lot of shopping, it’s a wet dream come true.  If you are into following the personal lives of the stars like a stalker (which I’m not into – in fact, I freakin’ HATE magazines like People, Us, Star, etc. and pretty much the entire “E!” channel), then it is obviously the place to be.  If you’re really into movies, I guess there’s some cool stuff there, but admittedly not as much as I thought there would be.  There are also some remarkable landscapes not far outside of the city that is again unlike just about anything else in the country. 

So my advice for the traveler finding him or herself in LA for only a day or two would be to pick a SINGLE area and explore it well.  If you want to hear music and party in the clubs, stay somewhere on Sunset (the old “Riot House Hyatt” or the Best Western, for example) and stick around there.  There’s enough bars, clubs and restaurants to keep you entertained for several days, never mind 1 or 2.  If you’re a movie fan, stay in Hollywood, or maybe Beverly Hills.  If you want the West Coast ocean/surfer experience, stay in Santa Monica or Venice Beach.  But overall, just pick a part and stick with it.  I made the mistake of trying to see as much as I could and as a result, didn’t see nearly as much as I wanted.

I’m not sure why LA didn’t appeal to me – I usually like variety and differences in culture and experiencing a wide range of new things.  I think part of it stems of the lack of identity I spoke of earlier.  When a city has defining cultural elements, it does more than just provide identity, it also provides character and charm.  I did not find LA charming in any sense.  As the definitive "big city," most people wouldn’t define New York City as “charming” either, but it does have character, a sense of identity, pride in that identity, and therefore, I think it does exude quite a bit of charm.  LA didn’t capture me in that way – nothing that made me want to stay there, move there, or urge me to come back and explore more. 

Anyway – that’s my philosophical view of Los Angeles.  Details of the trip coming up next!

Apostrophe Catastrophe

So I haven’t had much time lately for many posts.  I returned from a trip to Los Angeles and actually had almost an entire LONG post written up here, and then I accidentally closed the window, losing about an hour’s worth of work.  That resulted in two observations: 1) Is it THAT hard to put a little bit of programming on the web page that asks you if you’re sure you want to close it? TypePad may want to consider that.  and 2) I will never write a long post in the browser again.  That same post was re-started in a Word document and is saved on my computer waiting for me to finish it.  So be watching for that.

In the meantime, I have to vent about something.  Lately, I’ve been noticing a LOT of apostrophe usage errors, and it is driving me nuts!  The biggest error I have been seeing is a lot errors around using an apostrophe to indicate plurality.  You DO NOT use an apostrophe to indicate more than one of ANYTHING.  Never! Ever!  See this web page for further explanation: http://www.apostrophe.fsnet.co.uk/

Thank you… and remember to practice safe punctuation.

No wonder I have ringing in my ears

So during this holiday weekend, I really didn’t feel like doing "real" work, especially with everything going on, so I decided to work on a little project I’ve been meaning to do for a while.   I was thinking about it for at least a few months now, but then when I got my concert ticket albums in a few weeks ago, and completely re-organized my ticket collection, I figured I really should do it.

So I wrote out EVERY concert I’ve been to (ok, well, not every… there’s a lot of club shows I did not include in there), put them in chronological order, wrote down who I went with, and then racked my brain for EVERY OPENING BAND as well.   

Here’s what I ended up with: an Excel sheet with 236 lines in it.   I was able to now confidently say that I have seen at least 182 bands give 236 performances.  But with all the missing club shows, that is easily over 200 bands giving over 250 performances.  Pretty impressive stuff, if I do say so myself. 

For those interested, here is a list of the bands and artists that I have seen over the years (going back to 1989):

"Monster" Mike Welch
4 Non-Blondes
AC/DC
Aerosmith
Alanis Morrisette
Allman Brothers Band
Anthrax
Anti-Flag
B.B. King
B-52’s
Bad Company
Beach Boys
Bellwether
Billy Joel
Black Crowes
Black Sabbath
Blind Melon
Bob Dylan
Bob Seger and the Silver Bullet Band
Bon Jovi
Bruce Springsteen
Buckcherry
Buddy Guy
Bush
Candlebox
Cher
Cheryl Crow
Chicago
Chieftans
Chris Duarte
Cinderella
Collective Soul
Corrosion of Conformity
Dana Stewart & The Old Howards
Dave Brubeck
David Bowie
David Lee Roth
Deep Purple
Diane Farris
Dick Dale
Dimmur Borgir
Dio
Disney’s Symphonic Fantasy
Disposable Heroes of Hiphoprosy
DMX
Duran Duran
Eagles
Elton John
Emerson, Lake & Palmer
Enuff z’Nuff
Eric Johnson
Everclear
Faster Pussycat
Fireball Ministry
Firehouse
Fuel
Gang Starr
Geoge Clinton
Godsmack
Goo Goo Dolls
Grand Funk Railroad
Great White
Guns n’ Roses
Guster
Ian Gillan
Iron Maiden
J. Geils Band
J. Geils Blues Band
Jackyl
James Brown
James Taylor
Jayhawks
Jeff Beck
Jethro Tull
Jimmy Buffett
Jimmy Page with the Black Crowes
Joe Satriani
John Mayall
John Petrucci
John Zorn
Jonny Lang
Joshua Redmond Quartet
Judas Priest
Kenny Wayne Sheppard
Kid Rock
KISS
Korn
LA Guns
Laidlaw
Larry Coryell
Lennon
Lenny Kravitz
Limp Bizkit
Lit
Little Richard
Lorrie Morgan
Luscious Jackson
Lynyrd Skynyrd
Macy Gray
Marcus Roberts Trio
Megdeth
Melissa Etheridge
Me’Shell NdegéOcello
Metallica
Mighty Sam McClain
Mike Ness
Misson of Burma
Monster Magnet
Motley Crue
Motorhead
Mr. Big
Muck and the Mires
Mudvayne
Neil Diamond
Neil Young
Nine Inch Nails
Oasis
Oleander
Our Lady Peace
Ozzy Osbourne
Paul Rodgers
Pearl Jam
Peter, Paul & Mary
Pink Floyd
Poison
Primus
Procol Harum
Quiet Riot
R.E.M.
Rage Against the Machine
Rainbow
Ratt
Red Hot Chili Peppers
Ringo Star and His All-Star Band
Rob Zombie
Rochester Philaharmonic Orchestra
Rod Stewart
Rolling Stones
Run DMC
Rush
Rusted Root
Santana
Sarah McLachlan
Scorpions
Sevendust
Sister Hazel
Slash’s Snakepit
Slayer
Sonic Youth
Soundgarden
Staind
Steely Dan
Steve Vai
String Cheese Incident
Tesla
The Amazing Royal Crowns
The Bruce Hornsby Group
The Cult
The Jeff Healy Band
The Moody Blues
The Offspring
The Pretenders
The Scorpions
The Squirrel Nut Zippers
The Steve Miller Band
The Tragically Hip
Tiamat
Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers
Tomahawk
Tool
Trans Siberian Orchestra
U2
V2001
Van Halen
Van Morrison
Warrant
Whitesnake
Wilco
Willie Nelson
Winger
Zeke
ZZ Top

Memoriam

Not sure what else to say, other than that Jeffery Jacober, President of the company I work for was killed in a plane crash today. 

http://www.turnto10.com/news/4320565/detail.html

On a religious holiday such as today, it makes me wonder: whatever power may be ruling this crazy universe of ours, just how does he/she/it/they let these things happen to such good, generous people, especially people who seemed to have been through enough already.  Or is that part of the plan.

Today’s Funny Quote

So all of us here in the office were trying to figure out a date that we could all go out together for drinks, since our plans for tonight are quickly falling apart.  The idea of doing it Monday after work was mentioned and Jen (who I have a feeling will get quoted here again at some point) says "But Monday might suck, since its the day after Easter and we’ll all be hung over and stuff."

Easter. Hung-over.  Not necessarily two words I put together, but hey, whatever works.  That’s funniest thing I’ve heard since John’s comment about the Libery Bell in Philly (See below).

Memorable Philly Quotes

  • "Hey, did anyone else see the ants on that chick’s cooch at the museum today?"  – John talking about the Dali exhibit (several of his paintings actually)
  • John: "If you think it takes me a long time to get ready now, you should see how long it takes me to get ready when I’m trying to go out and get laid"
    Derek: "JESUS CHRIST!"
  • Waiter: "And what would you like to drink, sir?" John, suddenly paying attention: "What happened?" (happened several times)
  • "I’d have fun people-watching if the only people I weren’t watching is the wall" – Eric referring to his unfortunate positioning at the Cuban bar we went to on Saturday night (I told you it was fucking crowded)
  • Girl (one of the hot, young ones) in the T-shirt place just as it goes silent: "Throw me to the lesbians!" (unfortunately, she was simply reading one of the t-shirts)
  • Sign in the store, Rock n’ Roll Plus: "Please do not touch the merchandise…or the employees"
  • Derek, in response to the above mentioned sign: "Dammit!"
  • Gay boys in the CVS, after seeing either Derek, Eric, or both: "Well, THEY’RE obviously straight." (damn proud of it too, thanks)
  • John: "Do I have a sign hanging around my neck that says that I give a fuck?" Derek: "No, but I’m sure for the right person, you would!"
  • "YOU’RE ordering that…And your fuckin shitty beer, too!" – Derek, upon hearing Johanna’s frilly drink order and John’s Coors Light order.
  • While in a vintage used clothing store where John was contemplating buying a severely ripped pair of jeans, Eric commented: "But if you buy those jeans, guys will be able to put their hand on your ass through the hole!" John: "That does it, I’m buying them!"
  • "Now, if you’re looking for something to do tonight, second street is the place to go. But you should know that there’s a place right around your hotel called Woody’s that one of them there gay bars, so be careful" – Our born-again cab driver
  • "Yeah, I heard about that place – I’ll have to go there sometime when I’m not with you guys" – John’s response to the cab driver, whom I didn’t know at the time had a back seat covered in Jesus stickers.  We’re lucky he didn’t kick John – and the rest of us – out of the cab…
  • "Man I must have chlamydia, it fucking burns so much when I piss" – As overheard in the Dark Horse Tavern men’s room, spoken by a very drunken frat boy.  He then went on to describe the girl with only four teeth that he laid the night before.  Lovely.  I think he meant to tell his buddy, but was drunk that the people outside the rest room probably heard the whole thing.
  • "Blllleeeeaaaaacccccccc" – John belching (really doesn’t do it justice.  Imagine a volcano with too much gas)
  • "You’re not going to believe this, but we’re out of ginger ale too" – Our waitress at Chris’ Jazz Club after already telling us that we couldn’t get a ginger martini either and now couldn’t get another drink made with ginger ale (we were in a ginger mood after dinner at Morimoto’s)
  • "Fucking door nazis" – All of us, though I think attributable to Eric, in response to our hotel’s completely haphazard door locking policy which rivaled the security plans of the Pentagon
  • "Why does Ben Franklin look like he’s got a fan in front of him like Lemmy from Motorhead?" – Said by yours truly, looking at the sign for the Brew pub located next to the Reading Terminal Market
  • "I’ve got stomach cramps from not passing gas in the art museum for the last two hours" – Eric after the Dali exhibit
  • John, on Sunday morning: "My whiz smells like wiz!" Derek: "But it’s not COMING OUT like cheez whiz, right?"
  • "E-rocky" – A moment of brilliance thought up by John while discussing Eric’s (Erock’s) Rocky-like posing at the top of the Philadelphia art museum stairs
  • John: "I thought the liberty bell would be bigger"  Derek and Eric: "Umm… that’s a pretty fucking big bell, John."  John: "Oh… ok."
  • "How much per hour do you think she’s charging?" – Me, looking at the apparently escort hanging out with the businessmen at Mahogany on Walnut.  (I don’t know how much she was getting, but you know what?  She was freakin’ worth it! goddamn she was hot…)
  • "Whiz wit!" – All of us practicing ordering our cheesesteaks
  • "There’s over 5300 servings and 403,200 calories of cheez whiz there!" – Eric figuring out the nutritional deficiency we were staring at with the seven CASES of Cheeze Whiz in the window of Pat’s.
  • "We’re the last in LIIIIIINE…" – us "singing" the chorus from "Last In Line" by Dio every time we got in line for something.
  • "I’m having nightmares about giant belching, burping and farting monsters chasing after me" – me, after a long and gaseous night spent with John and Eric

Most Memorable Philly Moments

  • Lunch at Reading Terminal Market
  • The Salvador Dali exhibit at the Philadelphia Art Museum
  • Dinner at Morimoto’s
  • My friend Mike eating 2 cheesesteaks, going for a third, then suggesting that we go to a bakery for cannolis while we’re still eating!
  • The chocolate banana penises in Termni Brothers bakery
  • All of South Street
  • John, Eric and I walking behind 4 hot and probably illegal girls (being checked out by me and Eric) and one hot (according to John) and probably illegal (not that stops him) boy (being checked out by John)
  • Free cornbread from Keith at A Smoked Joint
  • Eric making the bench vibrate with his farts and John contributing to the hole in the ozone layer with his toxic belches while eating "cheeze wits" at Pat’s Steaks at 2:30 a.m.
  • Breakfast at Pats, Lunch at Geno’s, five minutes apart
  • Getting Italian pastries at Termini Brothers and eating on the sidewalk
  • Chilling with some cigars and dirnks at Mahogany on Chestnut
  • Having to get our keys re-activated every fucking time we went to our room
  • Buying a lot of cool shit on South Street (great CDs, personally)
  • Drinking and listening to heavy metal at Mako’s bar
  • Eric reading "Guns and Ammo" while waiting for the plane

1776 Reasons to Love Philadelphia

Well, we’re back from Philadelphia, and John, Eric and I made it back alive, and left Philly somewhat intact. We had a great time and hopefully this will become the start of a new travel tradition.

After an easy and quick (and cheap – thanks Southwest) flight, we were in downtown Philly by noon on Friday. We headed straight over to the Reading Terminal Market for lunch. John started off his Philly experience with an authentic Italian hoagie, Eric had "the best mac and cheese in America" (according to Oprah) from Deliah’s, and I had the best goddamn (if only the Mennonites who made it saw it described that way) bologna sandwich I’ve ever had. Not your normal bologna, it was sweet Dutch style bologna served with smoked cheddar cheese on Rye. Damn good. We spent a little bit of time walking around the Market, taking in the sights, sounds and smells (all of which were good).

We had tickets for 2:30 for the Salvador Dali exhibit at the Philadelphia Art Museum, so we headed over there. Of course, we walked down Ben Franklin Way, and went up the stairs and did the Rocky thing at the top. Hey, we’re tourist, why not???

The Dali exhibit was fantastic, providing great insight into Dali’s artwork. Most people are familiar with his Surrealist pieces like Persistence of Time, but the work from his earliest and latest parts of his career are just as impressive, if not more so. Later on he combined the surrealism with an interest in science, nuclear physics and religion, which made for really mind-bending art. Forget melting clocks… try Jesus being crucified on a FOUR-dimensional cross!

Alas, viewing such intense artwork while shuffling around an art hall is taxing both mentally and physically and after two and a half hours of being immersed in culture, it was time to go. Plus, Eric’s gastro-intestinal system was in disarray after holding in gas for all that time.

Back to the hotel for a little bit before heading over to Morimoto’s for dinner. Ahh… Morimoto’s…. it lived up to its own hype. A totally different, exciting dining experience, and a very expensive one, though well worth the money. We got there a little before our 8:00 p.m. reservations, so we had drink in the upstairs lounge (which I still contend reminds me of the Corova Milk Bar from A Clockwork Orange). Eric and I had a Kyuri martini made with Hendrick’s gin and Yuzu Juice. Now, in case you’re wondering what the hell Yuzu juice is as well, its a Japanese citrus fruit that Morimotos uses in several sauces and drinks, except that they take the Yuzu juice and steep some peppers in it, to add some spice. It was damn good, let me tell you. John had an "MC2", made with champagne, Midori lemon liquor, and a splash of lime juice. Of course, we tried each other’s drinks and everything was great.

Then came the meal. We ordered an appetizer – "Yosedofu" which is fresh tofu that was actually made at the table and served with two dipping sauces: one soy-based and a snow crab broth reduction with small pieces of crab in it. to make the Yosedofu, one of the chefs brought a ceramic bowl full of steaming hot soy milk to the table, stirred it, and then added a sea water reduction, then covered it and left it. Ten minutes later, someone else returned with the sauces and when the cover was removed, the soy milk had solidified into fresh tofu! Crazy! The sauces were so simple but so good. The soy sauce was NOT like the soy most people are used to getting in Chinese restaurants or in the supermarket, but a rich, flavorful concoction whose lighter brown color belied its deep taste.

Eric couldn’t resist having an additional appetizer of Japanese blowfish sushi, both for the uniqueness of it and the whole Simpsons reference. He said it was some of the best and most mild sushi he had ever had.

For the main course, John indulged in some California rolls tuna rolls. Eric had Chilean Sea bass served with black bean sauce, and declared it worth eating a nearly endangered species. I went for the single most expensive thing on the menu, a combination of Kobe beef short ribs and Yuzu-poached lobster with Red Miso jus. The lobster was great, but couldn’t even come close to matching the short rib, which was literally so tender that you didn’t need a knife. I don’t know what was in that sauce, but I think I’d give up my firstborn to know. We had some Junmai Daiginjo Morimoto Saki to wash it all down with. Then we moved onto dessert.

Dessert was as indulgent as the rest of the meal: John tried the milk chocolate praline tart made with praline ganache with milk chocolate-praline ice cream and roasted hazelnut-min pesto. I had the chocolate pot de creme bittersweet chocolate custard, with Kahlua cream and Amaretti cookies. Eric ended his meal with an equally adventuresome dish as he started with: a Wasabi tiramisu vanilla biscuit soaked with espresso and cognac served with wasabi mascarpone cream and chocolate sauce. We paired them with some Suntoro scotch, a dessert champagne and some muscat wine.

Wow.

Oh yeah… and the restaurant itself is as outrageous as the menu and the food. The interior is the absolute definition of modern interior design. One would think that plastic benches and tables would be cold and uncomfortable, but they weren’t at all. The booths are separated by white acrylic dividers that actually change colors as the night goes on. The shiny wood ceilings and floors reflected the changes in color and made the entire mood of the room change, creating an exciting atmosphere when glowing red and other warm colors, and a relaxing one when blue and green. Also, the booths are only at shoulder level, so that you feel like you’re dining in a more communal experience than your usual booth seating in most restaurants.

It may have cost us a pretty penny, but it was well worth it.

After dinner, we made a quick pit stop at the hotel (where we had our second of numerous room key issues) went over to Chris’ Jazz Club on Sansom street, just down the street from our hotel. We stayed for a set of some great jazz, although the bar selection left us wanting… apparently the bartender quit and he was the only one who knew how to make some of their signature martinis, including the ginger martini that John and Eric wanted. Then they ran out of ginger ale… but the music was good.

We left there and went to Mahogany on Walnut, Philly’s only true cigar bar. While not the cheapest place – $100 with tip for three good cigars and four good drinks – its well worth it. Well appointed, nicely busy, had interesting music and a great ventilation system that keeps it from getting too smoky. Basically a perfect way of ending our first night in Philly. It was also interesting to see the hooker hanging out with the businessmen. Clearly an escort, she was the least dressed (and yet best dressed…) woman in the room and looked so out of place with everyone and was way too gorgeous to be with anyone there without getting paid $300 an hour…

That was day 1 of the Philly trip… more on day two coming up soon.

Days Two and Three of Dominating Philily

On our second day of our Philly excursion, we got a late start and got picked up around 11:45 a.m. by some friends and colleagues of mine from Geiger-Allsbrook, whom I worked with at Garelick Farms.  They are Philly natives and were kind enough to take us to Pat’s King of Steaks and Geno’s Steaks for a truly authentic Philly experience.  We had "breakfast" at Pat’s, and then five minutes later crossed the street to Geno’s for "lunch."  So who did we think was better?  Geno’s bread was better and had some good steak, but we gotta hand the crown over to Pat’s.  It was simply better and the onions that came with the "Wiz wit" (cheeze whiz with onions) were practically candy, they were so perfectly cooked.

Diane, Michael and Melissa from Geiger-Allsbrook were kind enough to continue our Philly experience by taking us to Termini Bros. Bakery.  Now, I grew up with a family that ran a bakery, so this was particularly exciting, but I wasn’t prepared to open the door and find a BAND playing in the shop!  We were there on St. Joseph’s day, so they had two elderly men playing classic Italian songs on guitar and accordion.  What a great atmosphere with these men playing music and the little old ladies getting your pastries and wrapping them in boxes – with string, not tape, thank you very much. 

We took our dessert and went next door to the little store (which happens to have been voted "best cheesesteak in Philly", which almost lead us to having a third sandwich…) for coffee (not being a caffeine addict, I went for some Chocolate milk) and sat at the sidewalk tables having pastries and coffee (and milk).  Personally, I had a cognac chocolate bomb which was just insufferably good.

Our new best friends then took us over to the new sports complex area (you know, the home of the Philadelphia Eagles, who lost to the New England Patriots in this year’s Superbowl??) and then dropped us off at South street.

Which starts part two of this day… about four hours spent walking down South street, going into all the stores that interested us, from Rock and Roll Plus (great heavy metal and rock t-shirts and CD’s) to John going into the French Connection and adding to his increasingly eclectic wardrobe (while I couldn’t give two shits about fashion, I do have to admire someone who can go from buying a t-shirt that says "Heavy Fucking Metal" on one side and "Three Sixes Baby" on the other and then walk two blocks down the street and buy the trendiest crap out there).  Eric and I spent most of our time in the record stores, where I picked up some great stuff that I will be reviewing here later. 

About half-way down we went to Jon’s Bar & Grille for a mid-day drink.  Jon’s has one of the oddest hooks for a restaurant… its located at the birthplace of Larry Fine of the Three Stooges. 

We made it down to the end of South Street and turned up 2nd street to check out potential places to go later that night.  A lot of promising places… but more on that later.

After an entire day of walking around, we went back to the hotel to decompress a bit, stopping to pick up some Tastycakes (hey, we wanted the full Philly experience while there) on the way back.   After a while we made our way over to A Smoked Joint, a BBQ place I heard about through National Barbecue News.  It sounded great, and it lived up to the article.  A great appetizer of chicken wings, and some great ribs, brisket, pulled pork and chicken, as well as mac and cheese that was better than the "nation’s best" at Deliah’s.  I was hoping that we would be able to talk to the chef or owner of the place, and we lucked out when I saw him in the front of the house.  I stopped him (his name is Keith), told him that I’m a BBQ judge and that we were there because of the article.  It resulted in a free jalapeno cornbread side dish, which was just the perfect match with everything.  A few beers to wash it all down and we were on our way to go drinking.

Unfortunately, the rest of the free world was also planning on doing the same thing as we were… the bars on Second street were TOO crowded, making it impossible to talk, move, or generally be comfortable.  The first place we went, some Cuban bar, was so packed and so hot, we stayed for one rum drink and got the hell out of there.  Everyplace else was packed and just too uncomfortable to move around.  We missed out on some great places, but we’ll just have to go back and try more.

In the meantime, a friend of John’s who he used to work with met up with us and joined us for a few drinks.  We ended up at the Dark Horse Tavern, which was the only freakin’ place that didn’t make us feel like we were in a concentration camp…  and going to the bathroom there made for one of the most memorable quotes of the weekend, though that will be addressed in a separate entry.

After the Dark Horse, we went up South Street again, to Mako’s Retired Surfer Bar, which had some of the best jukebox music we’ve ever heard.  Even before it got to Eric’s selection we heard Metallica, Anthrax, Prong, Slipknot, and Iron Maiden, just to name a few.  A great dive of a place, it wasn’t too crowded (nowhere near cool enough for all those frat boys and sorority girls) and while it there was great music, it wasn’t too loud that you couldn’t talk. 

After that, we made our way BACK up 2nd Street, and Eric and I led the expedition on a quest to find a strip club for a little while (unbeknown to John and Johanna who were talking among themselves anyway), so we went to Front Street, but apparently we should have gone one more over to Delaware ave.  In any case, we ended up at Warmdaddy’s a blues/soul/R&B bar.  We were lucky enough to catch exactly one and a half songs from the band playing, so we stuck around for a little while after for one more drink.  Johanna went back to her car, and we caught a cab (trying to beat the rush) to Pat’s steaks for another true Philly tradition: post-clubbing and post-drinking cheesesteak.   Nothing like a hunk of greasy steak, onions and cheez whiz at 2:30 a.m. to settle the stomach, let me tell you.  In the great gastro-intestinal souvenirs of traveling, Mexico has Montezuma’s revenge, and Philly has a cheesesteak at 2:30 in the morning.  But we wouldn’t have traded it for anything – steak sandwiches, soda and fries covered in cheez whiz is the way to go. 

At this point, I must share some disturbing occurrences… even though we were still in the process of eating them, the sandwiches immediately reacted with a night’s worth of drinking swishing around in John and Eric’s stomach and I was witness to some of the most epic displays of bodily gas expulsions ever seen.  John’s belches started somewhere under his toenails and moved up through his body, gathering steam, until released as a thunderous cloud of noxious fumes that had to have woken up some of the neighborhood way more than any number of cars and drunken club goers ever could have.  Then Eric let go from the other end, and the bench I was sharing with him actually fucking SHOOK as his ass unleashed the weapons of mass destruction that George W. said we were looking for in Iraq…  In case you’re ever at Pat’s in Philly, you may not want to sit on the bench right across from the drinks and fries serving window, since I’m pretty sure its strength has been undermined!

We caught a cab ride home and actually had a Tastycake to wash it all down before passing out around 4:00 a.m.

The last day in Philly was the only one with bad weather – we couldn’t have asked for better weather for March in Philly the rest of the weekend.  But since we didn’t even get up until 11:53, it didn’t matter very much.  We packed our stuff, and went off to walk the city a little bit – which was surprisingly dead.  We went to the Liberty Bell so we could say that we did that, I bought a pin and t-shirt at the Hard Rock cafe and we had lunch at an Italian restaurant.  Then it was back on the plane (a f’ing crowded one) to Providence.

It was a fantastic, memorable trip, and I’m looking forward to doing it again with John and Eric, hopefully making it at least an annual excursion.