"Hey, did anyone else see the ants on that chick’s cooch at the museum today?" – John talking about the Dali exhibit (several of his paintings actually)
John: "If you think it takes me a long time to get ready now, you should see how long it takes me to get ready when I’m trying to go out and get laid" Derek: "JESUS CHRIST!"
Waiter: "And what would you like to drink, sir?" John, suddenly paying attention: "What happened?" (happened several times)
"I’d have fun people-watching if the only people I weren’t watching is the wall" – Eric referring to his unfortunate positioning at the Cuban bar we went to on Saturday night (I told you it was fucking crowded)
Girl (one of the hot, young ones) in the T-shirt place just as it goes silent: "Throw me to the lesbians!" (unfortunately, she was simply reading one of the t-shirts)
Sign in the store, Rock n’ Roll Plus: "Please do not touch the merchandise…or the employees"
Derek, in response to the above mentioned sign: "Dammit!"
Gay boys in the CVS, after seeing either Derek, Eric, or both: "Well, THEY’RE obviously straight." (damn proud of it too, thanks)
John: "Do I have a sign hanging around my neck that says that I give a fuck?" Derek: "No, but I’m sure for the right person, you would!"
"YOU’RE ordering that…And your fuckin shitty beer, too!" – Derek, upon hearing Johanna’s frilly drink order and John’s Coors Light order.
While in a vintage used clothing store where John was contemplating buying a severely ripped pair of jeans, Eric commented: "But if you buy those jeans, guys will be able to put their hand on your ass through the hole!" John: "That does it, I’m buying them!"
"Now, if you’re looking for something to do tonight, second street is the place to go. But you should know that there’s a place right around your hotel called Woody’s that one of them there gay bars, so be careful" – Our born-again cab driver
"Yeah, I heard about that place – I’ll have to go there sometime when I’m not with you guys" – John’s response to the cab driver, whom I didn’t know at the time had a back seat covered in Jesus stickers. We’re lucky he didn’t kick John – and the rest of us – out of the cab…
"Man I must have chlamydia, it fucking burns so much when I piss" – As overheard in the Dark Horse Tavern men’s room, spoken by a very drunken frat boy. He then went on to describe the girl with only four teeth that he laid the night before. Lovely. I think he meant to tell his buddy, but was drunk that the people outside the rest room probably heard the whole thing.
"Blllleeeeaaaaacccccccc" – John belching (really doesn’t do it justice. Imagine a volcano with too much gas)
"You’re not going to believe this, but we’re out of ginger ale too" – Our waitress at Chris’ Jazz Club after already telling us that we couldn’t get a ginger martini either and now couldn’t get another drink made with ginger ale (we were in a ginger mood after dinner at Morimoto’s)
"Fucking door nazis" – All of us, though I think attributable to Eric, in response to our hotel’s completely haphazard door locking policy which rivaled the security plans of the Pentagon
"Why does Ben Franklin look like he’s got a fan in front of him like Lemmy from Motorhead?" – Said by yours truly, looking at the sign for the Brew pub located next to the Reading Terminal Market
"I’ve got stomach cramps from not passing gas in the art museum for the last two hours" – Eric after the Dali exhibit
John, on Sunday morning: "My whiz smells like wiz!" Derek: "But it’s not COMING OUT like cheez whiz, right?"
"E-rocky" – A moment of brilliance thought up by John while discussing Eric’s (Erock’s) Rocky-like posing at the top of the Philadelphia art museum stairs
John: "I thought the liberty bell would be bigger" Derek and Eric: "Umm… that’s a pretty fucking big bell, John." John: "Oh… ok."
"How much per hour do you think she’s charging?" – Me, looking at the apparently escort hanging out with the businessmen at Mahogany on Walnut. (I don’t know how much she was getting, but you know what? She was freakin’ worth it! goddamn she was hot…)
"Whiz wit!" – All of us practicing ordering our cheesesteaks
"There’s over 5300 servings and 403,200 calories of cheez whiz there!" – Eric figuring out the nutritional deficiency we were staring at with the seven CASES of Cheeze Whiz in the window of Pat’s.
"We’re the last in LIIIIIINE…" – us "singing" the chorus from "Last In Line" by Dio every time we got in line for something.
"I’m having nightmares about giant belching, burping and farting monsters chasing after me" – me, after a long and gaseous night spent with John and Eric