Category Archives: Television

Scraping the UNDERSIDE of the Barrel

So here we are, a few months after the writers strike ended and summer TV is in full swing.  Summer television has never been renowned for its high-brow nature, but this year…. oy vey!   Here’s a few of my favorite deep digs from the networks:

These shows are so bad they aren’t even bad enough to be good.  The only good things: Swingtown and Mad Men. I’m a little late to the bandwagon on the last one, but trust me, it is worth hopping on ASAP!

Your Guide to the Food Network

A lot of people hate Rachel Ray, but we’ve been making meals out of her cook book 365: No Repeats and they have all been great.  I know she’s not a cook and a lot of purists get pissed at her shortcuts and lack of deep culinary knowledge/skill, but whether it is her or someone else behind the scene doing her cookbooks, the meals are good.  We had a shrimp and scallops with a pumpkin ginger peanut soy sauce that was fantastic. 

At the same time, I’m starting to get sick of the food porn that is running rampant through the Food Network.  Barefoot Contessa makes me feel dirty with all of her juicy closeups of chopping garlic and onions.  Giada DeLaurentiis needs to stop smiling NOW.  She is a scary, scary woman who apparently has about 20 extra teeth than normal human beings and doesn’t do anything or go anywhere in a blouse that doesn’t show off her jiggling boobs.

Right after her is Semi-Homemade with Sandra Dee, who always cooks while wearing white and working in an all-white kitchen and never gets dirty.  Who the hell does that?  I make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and I have to hose things down. 

However, the prize for worst show on the Food Network goes to this new British chick who has started popping up:  Nigella Bites, which might be the most unfortunately yet appropriately named shows in the history of television.  I encourage you to watch this show just for the laugh factor: in each episode this crazed woman does at least 5 recipes, usually more like 6 or 7, and in the process makes such a mess, that they must have at least a dozen people on set just for clean-up.  Watching her juice a lemon is like watching an elephant rape a seal in shallow water: ugly, scary, lots of thrashing and liquid everywhere.  If you watch carefully you’ll see countertops covered with chopped up bits of vegetables, rinds, and oil all over the place.  I don’t know if Nigella Bites, but she better fucking clean up!

The best shows on the Food Network?  They are still Good Eats, Unwrapped, Iron Chef America (though I still miss the original Japanese version), and Food Network ChallengesAce of Cakes and Throwdown with Bobby Flay are pretty good too, though even I’m starting to feel bad for Bobby Flay – he never wins!

Careful, It’s Catchy!

TV Land has created a list of the "The 100 Greatest TV Quotes & Catch Phrases."

The list is an interesting assortment of cultural catch phrases, and I am intrigued to see which is considered to be the top one.   Personally, I don’t agree with a few of their choices, just because they were one-off things, like "Ask not what your country can do for you…" or "Do you believe in miracles?". 

Yes, they happened on TV, and became part of the American lexicon, but they belong in the "greatest political catchphrases" and "greatest sports catchphrases" of all time, but not necessarily here.  Also, "Oh, my nose" is in the list, attributed to Macia Brady, when we all know that "Marcia, Marcia, Marcia" is the far more popular quote from the Brady Bunch.  They mention it in TV Land’s page for the upcoming event, but it isn’t on the list in the news story

Overall, I think that the omission of "eat my shorts" by Bart Simpson is a travesty.  Anyone who grew up in the 90’s saw that phrase on bumper stickers, t-shirts and posters everywhere.   "They killed Kenny" is listed for South Park, but I think that "You will respect my authority" is right up there as well.

15 Years is a Long Time With Just One Girl

In case you have been living under a rock (or simply watch ABC or CBS), today was the last day for Katie Couric on the Today show after 15 years of being co-anchor.  Those closest to me know that I harbor a bit of a crush on Katie, particularly her legs… but that’s not what I’m writing about. 

It isn’t something that I thought about before today, but it is amazing how we can build an emotional bond with someone over the airwaves – I’ve been watching the Today show since I was a kid when my mom watched it, which means that I’ve woke up to Katie Couric for literally half my life.  She’s told me about two wars in Iraq, 9/11, Columbine, the L.A. Riots, hurricane Katrina, and Oklahoma City.  I watched her the morning after I cast my first vote in a Presidential Election and during countless snowy mornings after classes were canceled or after coming in from shoveling a foot of snow.

So what that means is that I’m sitting here watching this silly morning show that I actually taped and trying not to cry since the most distinct memories of the world so far in my life are inextricably linked to Katie.  I never really thought of it that way before – all I thought about Katie was that she and Matt were always there and if she wore a skirt it was a good way to start the day… now I’m actually going to miss her in the mornings!

Good luck Katie!  Turns out I’ll miss you a little more than I thought.

This Is to Blame For My Sense of Humor

So I’m just chillin’ at home on a Sunday night and I have the DVD set of The Muppet Show’s first season going and I am convinced that they are responsible for my love of corny puns and bad jokes.  There are so many great one liners and puns in this show. 

So the next time I tell a "groaner" or "knee slapper" you can thank the Muppets.