This is the best news story I’ve read in a while: the headline simply reads "Penis Theft Panic Hits City."  Let’s be honest here – if that doesn’t get you to read a story, nothing will.

Apparently a bunch of people in Kinshasa, the capital city of the Republic of Congo, believe that some sort of gold ring-wearing witch doctors are touching them on public transportation and either stealing their penises or shrinking them.  Obviously, this isn’t REALLY happening, and there is a quote in the article that got "But when you try to tell the victims that their penises are still there.." which brings up a great image of someone at the police station with his pants down insisting that his penis isn’t there any more. 

The only people excited about this news story are the men in Kinshasa who aren’t very well endowed.  Now when they hook up with a woman, they can just claim that it was witchcraft that gave them the tiny tools.