There’s a commercial for Starburst that I see nearly every night on the Simpsons syndicated re-runs featuring two doofuses in an industrial plant of some sort, surrounded by 55 gallon drums of toxic waste. One of them asks the other to give him a Starburst, so the second guy throws it to the guy asking.
The throw is off and the Starburst goes into the toxic waste. Doofus #1, then reaches into the barrel of acid or whatever, in an attempt to pull it out, and says "I got it!" and then when he pulls out his arm… the arm is gone. Apparently eaten away by whatever chemical waste is in the 55 gallon drum.
So then he tries with the other arm and thinks he has it again… but doesn’t, since that arm is now gone as well.
Naturally, doofus (that’s my word of the day) #2 rolls up his sleeve to reach in and get it, but the commercial ends, cutting away to the final glamour shot of the logo and product, along with the tagline "Blame the juicy goodness."
So I know that the point of the commercial is that Starburst candy is SO GOOD that you will do even the stupidest things in order to get some. Even put yourself in mortal danger. Its a bit extreme and I thought it was a good commercial. Until I thought about it for a millisecond more and thought about something else…. what kind of unnatural polymer-co-chain-carbonite-ferrite ingredients would Starburst put in their chewy candy that would make it survive a plunge into 50 gallons of flesh-dissolving acid??
If the chemicals in that drum of toxic waste can burn away a human arm in a matter of seconds, what in the name of Buddha are Starburst candies made out of that they would survive a plunge into the same chemicals? Would you eat something that was impervious to an acid that could destroy your flesh? (ok, well.. Coca-Cola and most super-spicy hot sauces could do damage to you too, but not instantaneously)
I’m sure there’s a junior brand manager for Starburst somewhere reading this going "I TOLD THEM!!!" Don’t worry kid – I’m over-thinking it.
BTW – I couldn’t find a copy of this commerical to link to anywhere online, otherwise you wouldn’t have been subjected to my play-by-play description of the commercial. If anyone can give me a link, I would be grateful.
2 thoughts on “Starburst 1 – Toxic Avenger 0”
So I read the title of this and thought you were talking about Starbucks and got wicked excited.
Yes. Title insurance is a pilcoy insuring the owner against loss by reason of defects in the title to real estate. Meaning, a previous owner down the line cannot say, Here is my deed I own the property . A lot of the time the mortgage company requires title insurance for clear title. As for what the property was built on that would be the owners responsible. Contact EPA or local clerk office.
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