I had heard about this a while ago, but now it is official – on June 27th, 2006, KISS will open its first…..

coffeehouse.

Yes, indeedy, the bad-ass make-up-clad, flame and blood spitting glam rockers who are all about sex and rock n’ roll and partying will be opening a….

coffeehouse.

The press release is here, which starts off with an extensive description of the new perfume line they are also launching.  The perfume thing I can deal with, especially since it has pheromones, which fits the "sex sex sex" image of KISS. 

The coffeehouse is different thing entirely.  Oh Gene, what have you done?  They are still trying to be the vicious rock n’ rollers, but its tough to do when the press release contains lines like:

"[the café will serve] KISS Frozen Rockuccino, the most caffeinated and refreshing coffee beverage on the market, as well as a full array of cookies brownies and cupcakes"

and

"Added [Paul] Stanley, ‘the KISS Coffeehouse is our way of providing everyone with a buzz of great, quality treats and coffee filled with enough sugar and caffeine to get the party started and keep it going!’"

Cupcakes are good.  I like cupcakes.  Especially chocolate ones with chocolate frosting and white creamy filling.  Or yellow cake with chocolate frosting.  But I digress.

I don’t think of cupcakes when I think of KISS.  I think of demons, rock n’ roll, partying, and fashion models being violated by Gene Simmon’s tongue.   Now I just picture Gene in a fucking apron cooking up batches of danish and cupcakes.

(brownies CAN be "rockin" but they are usually "special" brownies if you know what I mean)

Also, when I think of ways to "get the party started and keep it going" a frozen coffee drink isn’t usually at the top of my list.  A shot of SoCo and a Jack & Coke works better for me, I find.

Anyway – good luck to them.  Hopefully Gene  can make enough money to restuff his bed mattress.  I don’t drink coffee, but if I ever find myself in Myrtle Beach, I’ll be sure to stop by.